Many fundamentalist Christians believe we are nearing the End Times prophesied in the Book of Revelations, and that Jesus will return shortly before the world ends. Here’s Michael Snyder, in a new post entitled Billions Of People Will Soon Die:
“Jesus warned us that the years just before His return would be apocalyptic. In fact, he specifically told us that there has never been a time like it before, and there will never be a time like it again.”
That inspired me to try to imagine what Jesus would do and say if he returned to the Earth in this time of crisis, based on my own personal sense of who Jesus was/is. Once I started writing, the story took on a life of its own.
I’ll admit I had some fun doing this. The movies Oh God! and Bruce Almighty were both comedies, but each provided a great deal of food for thought. I hope I have done something of the same here.
Be forewarned, this is a long post - almost 3,000 words. I’ve divided into five chapters if you want to tackle it in bite-sized chunks.
Chapter One: The Arrival
It was 10:47 on the morning of November 15th, 2023, when Jesus suddenly materialized in front of hundreds of delegates at the United Nations General Assembly. He was lucky the dumbfounded security guards didn’t shoot him.
To make matters worse, Jesus was staring at the ceiling, shouting frantically in what was later determined to be ancient Aramaic. After a minute, he stopped, and took a moment to gather himself. He turned to face the Assembly delegates. In an oddly accented English, he declared:
“I, Jesus of Nazareth, have returned to Earth because the Earth is entering a very dangerous time. A great unravelling has begun. Many paths from here lead to Armageddon. Only a few paths lead to a future that is gentle and happy. ”
“My Father has seen this day coming for a very long time. He gave the people of this world free will, and he gave them everything would need to be happy, but he knew that free will includes the right to make bad choices.”
“My Father tried to warn you that this time might come. I know many of you think that my Father will destroy the Earth to punish humanity for its failings, but, believe me, if this beautiful Earth is reduced to ashes, it will not be my Father’s doing.”
“I have returned to Earth to do what I can to dissuade humankind from your stubborn love of war. I come with no special powers. If humanity is determined to exit with a very large bang, I cannot stop you. Until that time, I am here as your servant.”
The stunned silence that followed Jesus’ words must have lasted a full two minutes. Then there were tears, and even some laughter, albeit hysterical. And prayers in at least a dozen languages.
The UN General Assembly was so completely discombobulated by Jesus’ arrival that it dissolved in chaos few minutes later, without passing any resolutions.
The American UN envoy immediately phoned President Joe Biden to update him. Joe Biden was very skeptical that Jesus would just show up at the UN alone and unannounced, but decided he better hedge his bets, just in case. Biden immediately had a call placed to Benjamin Netanyahu, telling the Israeli Prime Minister in no uncertain terms, there would be no more US weapons, no more US aid, and no more protection from US aircraft carriers unless there was an immediate 3-day ceasefire in Gaza, with the border fully opened to receive relief supplies. He figured three days was long enough to figure out if this ‘Jesus’ was the real deal.
Jesus then asked to see as many ‘religious elders’ as were willing to speak with him.
Someone called Elon Musk, who set up a secure Starlink connection to an AI translator that had been uploaded with every known Aramaic dictionary or text. Jesus was outfitted with a fancy headset and microphone. Initially the translations were far too colloquial, saying: ‘My Dad upstairs is really pissed off,’ when “My Father in Heaven is very angry” would have been the preferred translation, but those glitches had been sorted out well before the ‘elders’ arrived.
Late that afternoon, Jesus met with 40 religious leaders from the New England area - Christian Ministers from various denominations, a couple of Rabbis, Sikh and Quaker elders, a Buddhist Priest, a Hindu Pujari, two Imams, and a famous televangelist.
Chapter Two: The Circle of Elders
Jesus talked for only a few minutes. He then asked each member of the group to introduce themselves. A long period of back-and-forth questions followed.
To say that some of those present were skeptical would be an understatement. Others were convinced that a miracle had occurred, and weren’t going to miss this opportunity to ask their Saviour questions they had carried in their hearts for decades.
A Rabbi asked what Jesus had said in Aramaic. Jesus blushed. He spoke loudly into his microphone the same words everyone had heard him say the day before. In identical intonations, the AI headphones said: “Father, how can you do this to me? I’m not ready. I’m not ready!”
Jesus shrugged. “Father and I were talking about me returning to Earth, as we often do. He said the time had come. I agreed, never dreaming I would find myself in front of the UN an instant later.”
“Father sometimes forgets that I need time to get my head around any important decision. No matter. I am ready now!”
A Lutheran Pastor wanted to touch the scars on Jesus’ hands. In a voice somewhere between pleading and defiant, he asked: “How do I know you’re not an alien pretending to be Jesus, that you’ve arrived on some sort of transporter, like on Star Trek?” The AI translator glitched at this point and Jesus and the AI translator had to chat for a full minute before Jesus understood the question.
Jesus said he understood that it was hard to believe he had finally come back. He said that was why he had invited everyone to meet him in person, to hear his words, and to ask any questions they wished. “Look into your heart and you will know”, he said. Then, with an almost mischievous grin, he added: “If that doesn’t work, you’ll just have to have faith.”
An Anglican Deaconess asked, somewhat petulantly, if God was a He. Jesus paused. Finally, he said: “Anyone who believes that a Creator powerful enough to create Galaxies beyond counting is limited to the abilities and propensities of male human beings, reveals only the limits of their perception, not the limits of the Creator.” The Deaconess shot a told-you-so look at the Deacon sitting beside her.
The televangelist, who had arrived late and gotten stuck at the back of the room, now strode impatiently to the front. He said a golden throne was being prepared for Jesus, so Christ could lead an ‘Army of the Righteous against the forces of the Antichrist.’ (He has since threatened to sue anyone who mentions his name, but I’m sure you know who he is.)
Jesus looked down at the televangelist’s very expensive suit and sighed. He answered firmly:
“I know that the different religions here have been fighting for centuries. You’re fighting again now. It never seems to occur to you that you all worship the same God.”
“If you think your faith gives you a monopoly on the truth, you will be arrogant. My Father doesn’t care much for brand names. What you call yourself matters less to Him than than the spirit in which you live.”
The televangelist snarled, “You’re a fraud!,” and stormed out of the room. The Lutheran Pastor looked up at Jesus and mouthed: “It’s probably for the best.”
The Hindu Pujari asked, with a certain belligerence: “So, is Gandhi burning in Hell?” Jesus replied in Hindi that his dear friend Mahatma was an excellent teacher for both Hindi and English. “If I were better student we wouldn’t need this stupid thing,” he said, grabbing at his headset.
A Catholic priest asked if Jesus had ever felt desire for a woman. The whole group smiled when he replied: “Yes. Next question.” Seeing that his answer had been insufficient, Jesus quietly added: “The urges stirring in your loins are not of your choosing. You are responsible only for what you do, not for what you feel.”
On and on the questions went.
Why did he still have scars on his hands? (As a reminder) A reminder of what? (To be humble)
Could he perform miracles? (Not this time around.)
Jesus, for his part, asked about what was happening in the world, and America in particular. He clearly had some knowledge of world events. He wanted to know how those present felt about those events, and how they saw the world.
After three hours of discussion, everyone was tired. Jesus thanked them all for coming. He asked who would be willing to meet again in three days. There were nods from every corner of the room.
Chapter Three: The New Party
In the first hours after Jesus’ arrival, there was surprisingly little reaction in the larger world. People were in shock. And disbelief.
Before long, everyone, it seemed, wanted to talk to Jesus - heads of state, the Pope, the Dalai Lama, Oprah, any number of billionaires and Hollywood stars. Jesus by this time had gathered around himself an inner circle of ‘elders.’ They became his gatekeepers, deciding who would be allowed an audience. Tucker Carlson was one of the few media figures Jesus allowed to interview him. Jesus liked Tucker.
Eventually, what had happened began to sink in. Two diametrically opposing trends emerged. A significant minority of the population began to party like there was no tomorrow. A somewhat larger group aspired to be their best selves every day; a great many sins were confessed. Millions of Fundamentalist Christians began giving away everything they owned, excitedly preparing themselves to be raptured up to heaven.
Hamas released all of the surviving hostages. Biden pressured Netanyahu to extend the ceasefire to three weeks. The Middle East, which had seemed more ready to explode with each passing day, gradually calmed down. Not completely, but enough that new negotiations could be opened.
For his part, Jesus was unsure about how to move forward. At the next meeting of his circle, he told those present that the immediate crisis had passed.
Jesus said that human free will put limits on his Father’s ability to predict the future. The Creator’s immense Mind could see possibilities and probabilities but no certainty. There were at least three other paths that led to ruin which involved Israel going to war, but they were all years away.
The bad news was that at least a dozen ways for the planet to go quickly to Hell still remained in the not-too-distant future. His Father had told him that the one common denominator in all those paths was that America would be one of the combatants in a terrible final war.
Jesus stopped, clearly wanting to choose his words carefully. He asked how America could be shifted towards ‘a less aggressive foreign policy.’ When he looked up his whole circle were silently looking down at their hands. Finally a Methodist minister replied: “That won’t be easy.”
It fell to Katy Cullinan, a Quaker elder from Boston, to admit ruefully: “There is no Peace Party in America. We have a Democrat War Party, and we have a Republican War Party. Both are fully-funded subsidiaries of the military-industrial complex. If you want a Peace Party, you’re going to have to start one.”
By the end of the meeting that’s what they had decided to do.
A number of well-known public figures quickly volunteered to run on the Peace Party ticket, as did a dozen sitting Members of Congress - both Democrat and Republican. Soon there were Peace Party candidates running in every Congressional district - and in every one of the one-third of Senate seats up for election.
The top slots on the Peace Party ticket were harder to fill. Jesus, not being born in America, was ineligible to run for office, which was a great relief to him. Eventually Tulsi Gabbard was selected as the Party’s candidate for President.
Jesus tried to persuade Tucker Carlson to be the VP nominee. Though clearly conflicted, Tucker refused, saying: “I’m great at talking to people. As a politician, I’d be lost.” With the clock running out on filing papers, pretty much everyone was flabbergasted when former Reagan Budgetary Director David Stockman agreed to fill the VP slot.
Chapter Four: The Campaign
Tulsi Gabbard spoke of the anguish she had felt as a medic in Iraq, watching shattered young men and women bleeding out and dying before her eyes:
“They were soldiers, yes, but they were also someone’s son or daughter. Many more Americans died in the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan than died on September 11th. They were all casualties of America’s blind lust for vengeance.”
“If we really want to be Israel’s ‘friend’ perhaps we should remind Benjamin Netanyahu that revenge always has a wicked sting in its tail.”
When asked by Joe Rogan what she most want to say to America, she replied:
“I am convinced that more wars are caused by fear than are caused by aggression. Fear blinds us to seeing that the vast majority of humans everywhere long for peace.”
“If we forget that, if we surrender to the fear that the other side wants to harm us, we stop talking to them. The more we cut off contact, the more our fearful imagination takes over. We come to see them as monsters. They see us as devils.”
“Then it’s easy to say: ‘We need a big army.’ The other side sees our big army, and decides they need an even bigger army. On and on it goes until two massive armies are facing one another. Eventually one side or the other becomes so terrified, that they strike first, believing they are acting in self-defense. We’re getting near that point again now.”
“If we want peace, we need to step back from the brink. We need to trust that war serves no-one. We need to talk to the other side. We need to try to see the world as they see it. To restore trust in any way we can.”
“At a time like this, we need to stop climbing the staircase to war. Even if we can only climb back down one step at a time, that at least opens up the possibility that we can begin moving away from war, and towards peace. ”
David Stockman made far more pragmatic arguments for peace:
“America has 3,000 miles of ocean between us and any nation even remotely likely to attack us. Yet the US Government spends more on the military than the next eight biggest military budgets in the world combined. Why?”
“Out-of-control military expenditures are a far greater threat to America than either Russia or China. The US Government now owes the equivalent of 100,000 dollars for every man, woman and child in America. America is now at far greater risk of bankruptcy than invasion by a foreign power.”
What no-one expected was that David Stockman spoke out as a Christian. Turns out he started university at Harvard Divinity School. Who knew! David wasn’t afraid to be blunt about ‘Christians who try to have it both ways:’
“A lot of Christians seem content to bring out the teachings of Jesus on Sunday, like they were the good China, too perfect and too fragile for everyday use. For the remainder of the week they live as ‘Old Testament Christians’.”
“Never mind that the Old Testament verses are often diametrically opposed to the teachings of Jesus. The Old Testament lets you keep a stash of AK47s in your basement, and cheer on Lindsay Graham when he says to ‘Bomb Iran’.”
“Being meek, turning the other cheek - I’ll grant you that can feel scary. But, if you really believe the Prince of Peace is your Saviour, your Redeemer, and your Great Teacher, it’s not enough just to talk the talk. You need to be willing to walk the walk.”
Chapter Five: The Election
Jesus, to everyone’s great surprise, took no direct part in the Peace Party campaign. Instead, he crisscrossed America in a bus outfitted as a camper, visiting places of worship.
At churches, he was besieged by Christians wanting forgiveness for their sins, or healing for one or other infirmity. Everywhere he went he said the same things he had said so many centuries before. Turn the other cheek. Love your enemy. Share. Be kind to each other.
His handlers were terrified any time Jesus spoke at a mosque. For all we know, more than one person came to such meetings intending to cause Jesus harm. No one did. Maybe it was because Jesus exuded such warmth, gentleness, and humility. Maybe it was because Muslim theology honoured him as a prophet. Maybe it was because he looked so damn Arabic with that swarthy complexion and those long, flowing robes.
In truth, it wasn’t Tulsi Gabbard, David Stockman, or even Jesus that won the election for the Peace Party. It was the hundreds of thousands of volunteer canvassers that went door to door. It was the thousands of community organizers who set up rallies every other week in pretty much every town and city across America. It was ordinary Americans, some Christian and some not, who had decided that the old ways weren’t working.
By the morning of November 9th, 2024, it was evident that the Peace Party had won more than 250 seats in the new Congress, and at least 25 Senate races. Tulsi Gabbard was the President-elect.
Then, while America was celebrating a renewed sense of optimism, a rogue section of the CIA - pretending they were Islamic Jihad operatives - recruited Mohamed Bishara, a young Palestinian-American. Mohamed was to be smuggled into the Inauguration ceremonies, where he would shout ‘Allah Akbar’ and throw a live grenade at the President-elect.
We can all be grateful that Mohamed got cold feet. He also became suspicious that his ‘Jihadi’ handlers were not who they claimed to be. With some internet sleuthing he was able to locate the home address of CIA whistleblower Jeffrey Stirling. Stirling figured out what was going on. He knew who to trust in the CIA hierarchy. There were a lot of arrests that day. Two back-up assassination plots were also shut down.
Finally, the day of the Inauguration ceremonies arrived.
In front of a cheering throng, standing between Jesus and David Stockman, Tulsi Gabbard announced announced that Jesus would soon be named to the newly-created position of Special Ambassador for Peace and Goodwill.
She reminded people that that day was the end of one road, but the beginning of another longer, and perhaps harder, road.
Tulsi Gabbard paused. She turned first to Jesus, then to David Stockman. With a huge smile, she declared: “Gentlemen, we have a lot of work to to do.
P.S.: I suspect you, the reader, have your own Jesus roaming around your head somewhere, even if you’re not a Christian. Imagine if your internal Jesus suddenly appeared at the United Nations next week. What would he do? What would he say? Would he want America to have twelve aircraft carriers, or 800 military bases overseas? Would he want Ukraine to fight to the last Ukrainian? Would he say that the deaths of 4,000 children in Gaza were justified as self-defense or collateral damage?